Dirtbag!
by ChaosDynasty
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if ff7 and Red Vs. Blue combined? What if Cid got his hands on a robot that only says eeEEEP? Well, this is what you get! ONESHOT.


Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or Red Vs. blue, but I want to. Can I pleeeeeeaaaase? Preeeeetty Please? NO! BUT WHY? Can I now?...how 'bout now?...Now?...oh Fine!

Note: any flames will be used to assist in the creation of my flamethrower. Which will be used to BURN ANYONE WHO OPPOSES ME!...nevermind……ignore that.

Final Fantasy VII DIRTBAG!

Sarge wanted more. More shot guns. More Warthogs, even more M8 scorpion battle tanks (though the Reds never had one in the first place). In order for this to happen he needed money.

At the top of the base, Grif was standing around doing nothing. Okay, so he was doing something! Actually he was talking with Simmons. Again.

Sarge eventually heard Grif, and had Robot #3 follow him (the other two robots are still possessed by Church and Tex, and Lopez is still just a head).

"Grif, Stop yer yammerin', This ain't no ice cream social. Now listen up dirtbags!"

To this the robot responded. "eeeEEP," and hit Grif.

This gave Sarge an idea.

-FF7-

"Cloud, will you shut the $# up!"

"But, Cid, Boco and I are almost in the S class"

"I don't give a damn, I'm not goin' to Gold Saucer!"

That was how most of the trip went. All of AVALANCHE was going to meet up for a reunion at the Seventh Heaven. Fenrir was under repairs which explained why Cloud needed a ride. They had taken off at the right time, according to Cid's watch, but there was one problem. Cid's watch had stopped.

Now they had extra time. Two hours and 36 minutes extra to be exact, and Cloud wanted to enter into some chocobo races.

Cid, now completely annoyed with Cloud, finally gives in.

-Red Vs. Blue-

"Hey Sarge, I just found out about this amusement park. It's called Gold Saucer"

"Donut, Why would we want to go to an amusement park in the middle of a war?"

Donut thinks for a minute. "Well we could all use some R & R."

Just then the Blue team shows up. Caboose is the first to speak.

"Oh, did I just hear you talking about an amusement park?"

"Yes, you did actually."

Tucker then looks to Donut. "There will be chicks there right? BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!"

Sarge then interrupts the conversation. "Well then what are we waitin' for?"

Caboose then turns to church. "Ah, Church, what does 'amusement' mean?"

"Shut up Caboose."

Both teams arrive at Gold Saucer around the same time and run into each other (not literally you Idiot!)

-Cid's POV-

Cloud and I had just arrived at Gold saucer, and he already took of to the chocobo arena, when this strange lookin' ship docked next to the Highwind. "Who the $#! are you guys?"

The royal blue guy replied, "We're the Blues and they are the Reds." Then he pointed to one with white armor, or at least what I though was armor, I had never seen anything like that before. "Oh, and that is a robot."

"A robot, eh? What does it do?"

This time the red one spoke up. "Simmons! Say the codeword!"

The one in maroon armor, I'm guessing is Simmons, stepped forward. "Yes, sir. Dirtbag."

This activated the robot and with an "eeeEEEP", it punched the orange one.

_That's all it does?...hmmm………….. Wonder if it would work on Cloud_. "So all it #$!$# does is punch things?"

'red' spoke again, "It can also repair any vehicle."

"Can that #$!# thing be programmed for anyone?"

"Why I never thought of that! Simmons, can it?" _He never thought of THAT! What a $!#$ moron._

"Actually Sarge, it can." _So it helps with the work and inflicts pain on whoever I want it to._

"I like it! Would you guys be willing to sell it, and for how much?"

-Sarge's POV-

_I needed the extra cash, and here this guy was willing to give it to me! I think I may have just found a new business._

"Alright, how about $150?"

He gave me a strange look. "What the !$# kinda currency is that? You don't take Gil?"

"What exactly is this 'gil'?" He then pulled something that looked like a coin out of his pocket. "This."

_I'm sure that there is a currency exchange around here somewhere._ "Okay, how much of that would equal the price that I said earlier?"

"How in the #!$ would I know!"

Simmons then figured it out. "It's about 15000 Gil sir."

-Cid's POV-

"SOLD!" I handed them a bag of Gil. Then they all went off to random directions about the Saucer.

I still didn't know who the $!# these guys were, but I really didn't care.

This robot was now mine. While Cloud was out racing his Chocobo, which might I add is more of a temper mental feather brain then the rest, I read the manual to this thing. That wasn't too much of a task seeing that it was only five pages. By the time Cloud got back, I had already had the thing reprogrammed and ready. Now all that was left was to test it.

We then arrived at the Seventh heaven, and I wanted to see if this thing was going to work. "Hey Cloud."

"What?"

"DIRTBAG!" it punched him. Just like I wanted it to.

"Ow, what did it do that for?"

Suddenly Barret walked in, "was' goin on foo's?"

"Not much, just that my watched stopped and this _dirtbag_ wanted to waste time at the Gold Saucer." It hit him again, and yes I emphasized the word 'dirtbag' on purpose.

Tifa came in not much after Barret. "you shouldn't call Cloud a dirtbag, Cid." Hit again. I was having way too much fun with this.

"Who's a dirtbag?" Yuffie. She was my next target. It hit Cloud again.

This time it was Vincent's turn. "…..he is referring to Cloud as a Dirtbag." Again. He was writhing on the floor in pain now.

Barret then looked at me, "Why is he a dirtbag?" I could swear that Cloud was on the verge of crying about now.

Red XIII, who apparently was lying in the corner, then said, "is there some relevance as to why everyone is saying dirtbag?"

"OOOOWWWWWIIIEEEE, why does it always hit me when someone says dirtbag? OWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

"Cloud, do you promise that we will never have to waste time at the Gold Saucer again?"

"………….."

"Dirtbag. This go Cloud to respond.

"Okay I promise! Just make it stop hitting me!"

"Good." Then I walked away and the robot followed me.

It was time to seek out the next target.

ChoasDynasty: Is there a currency exchange from Gil to Dollar or vice versa? Didn't think so. Anyway, what did you think? Good? Bad? Lame?

Sonux: All of the above, minus the prior.

ChoasDynasty: Shut up Sonux, you're not helping anything. Please review! I'll give you a cookie!

Sonux: I think Cid already ate all of those.

ChaosDynasty: Stupid Cid! You have my permission, Sonux, to get my revenge on Cid, in any way that you wish.

Sonux: SWEETNESS! runs off


End file.
